Rainy Day

Today was a pretty low-key day.

Liam didn't have any school or therapies today. He wanted to stay in bed, and he took a really great nap. I think he's trying to catch up from his ear infection kicking his butt.

Andrew was excited to get on the bus today, which made me excited! I'm over the moon that for the last two days, his teacher has said he's said good days! So excited, that I absolutely, unashamedly took a picture of his notebook.
As you can see, I thanked his teacher for sending home all of his artwork, too. I got him settled in with a snack and cartoons when I went to go and check his backpack. When I saw his paintings and coloring pages, plus his worksheets, I couldn't help but to find my eyes filled with tears of pride. I took his painting in the playroom, and asked him, "buddy, you did this?" The look of shock on his face cracked me up, so I clarified how beautiful I thought it was. How smart I know he is. How proud of him that he's tackled such a tough adjustment either more bravery than I could have. The look that he responded with... my heart just about exploded! He was SO proud of himself, which made me beam with pride!
(The bottom one in the picture, he wrote his name. This is the first time he's ever done this for anyone except me, and I just cannot handle how elated I am about this!)

Seeing his reaction to me praising him and being excited for him not only made me wonder how on earth I can keep him feeling like that always, but I also wondered how all parents don't feel that way about their kids. It was such an involuntary feeling, I cannot fathom feeling any other way.

This has been weighing heavily on my heart this afternoon/evening. I'll never understand how my mother acted the way she did. When I was talking to my friend about it (her and I grew up in super similar situations) she'd suggested that maybe that's why her and I both thrive with other people's validation so much. Even though I'd never thought about it from that perspective, I truthfully couldn't agree more. For the most part, I'm pretty secure in the things that I do. I've even gotten to the point where I just embrace them and get excited! But getting that validation that I'm not just being conceited or delusional just makes me feel really good. I guess that would mean that I'm not as secure in my feelings as I thought, haha! I'll have to work on that.

Anyhoo, this one took a turn that I didn't mean for it to take, but that felt good to get out, too. Bottom line is, I'm so grateful that my kids will never feel like I felt when I was their ages. They will never, not for a single moment, question the pride and adoration I feel for them. Never. Truly, they deserve so much more than that; they deserve the whole world. But I'm happy and thankful that years of therapy and lots of growth have gotten me to the point of giving them that, at the very minimum.

Hopefully tomorrow I won't have another existential realization! Bahahahaha

Comments

Sue O said…
Blogging is kinda cathartic, isn’t it? I can only imagine your relationship with your mom from what I’ve gathered though Facebook posts and all but I only see POSITIVE things come of you (what does that even mean? But I think you know what I mean) And your boys will never doubt that you are proud of them!
July 21, 2023 at 7:49 PM
Megan Fabrizi said…
Gosh, I feel like I could write a book, honestly🤣 She's very unwell, and going without seeking any help in conjunction with addiction issues, she's just... well, as much as it would be wonderful to have a mother in my life, life is just a lot more peaceful. Plus, my gram has been more of a mom to me in the 8 and a half years she's been back in our lives than I've had my entire life. So everything is just fine🙂 thank you for that! I can't imagine making the boys feel like I feel anything less for them 💗
July 22, 2023 at 5:58 PM
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